For years I have kept my story very quiet for fear of what others might think. But over the past several months I have been nudged to share. God has made this clear to me from many different sources and now with the recent declaration in New York… it’s time.
While the story itself is painful, the redemptive working of the Holy Spirit in my life is why I can boldly share this today.
My prayer is that through my story someone with a similar past might be freed from the shame and bondage of their past. The saving grace of Jesus Christ that has acted in my life, can very much heal you too! Be encouraged.
My prayer is that I may encourage the woman who might be contemplating to exercise her right of pro-choice… may she choose life.
My prayer is that parents might look at this story and be encouraged. Even though it seems like we are raising children in a dark world… we can raise them to be the light. Small changes that start at home result in BIG CHANGES in the world.
Last but not least a reminder: we are not perfect people, we are imperfect people called to put our trust and hope in a perfect Savior. No matter your past, Jesus can and will redeem you (if you let Him) and use it for the greater good my friend.
A little background…
I grew up in the very best family a child could ask for. My parents had a strong marriage, my siblings and I were close, we had many great family adventures and we were raised in a church. What more could a child ask for! (Thank you
Though I grew up going to church every Sunday, I never actually committed my life to Jesus. I was under the impression that salvation came through memorizing prayers and other “churchy” things that I did. The more I memorized and the better I performed… the more likely I was to go to Heaven. (Note: I am NOT knocking the church I grew up in, this was simply my perception of what I was taught at the time).
Time went on and my performance based faith was proving to be a poor foundation for the decision making that most teens face. As long as I looked like I was “good” on the outside, I could get away with what I wanted to on the inside.
The series of small compromises to my integrity over time created a numb pride within me and led to huge compromises later on in life (I’ll get to that later). A person typically does not go from walking a straight path to making huge compromises overnight. It is the series of small compromises over time that makes the large compromises seem not so bad. When I would make poor choices I would justify them by telling myself things like: “Everybody does stuff like this. I still get good grades. It’s not like I don’t go to church. I work hard, I can have fun. I still believe in God.”
You see what I didn’t understand then is that the simple act of believing in God isn’t the same as being saved. Even Satan believes in God. True salvation is leaving your sinful past behind, repenting, accepting Christ’s forgiveness and committing to live for Jesus and not for your own sinful desires. (You can find a more in-depth explanation of what it means to be Saved by Grace here).
My Rock Bottom…
By the time I graduated high school I was a dangerously lukewarm Christian and dangerously comfortable with the compromises I was making in my life. Not too passionate one way or the other. Having a lot of fun and still showing up and being a good worker, student, and person for others. But behind the
By age 19 it all caught up to me. I found myself pregnant, unmarried and unsure as to who the father was. I was so ashamed of myself. Because (RECAP) my faith was based on who I was and what people saw me doing. How could I be in a situation like this? I was raised in a good family, I went to church, I got good grades, I knew all the prayers. Situations like this
Instead of praying to God’s for wisdom and leaving the situation in His hands, I took matters into my own hands. I “fixed” the situation out of convenience. I chose abortion in an attempt to fix MY life. Let’s put it in layman’s terms- I killed my unborn baby because it was an inconvenience in my life. I then lied and told everyone it was a miscarriage.
Deep down in my heart I know it was wrong, but I filled my head with lies to make myself feel better and they are the same lies that are being shouted to our children in this broken world every single day…
- It’s just a ball of cells
- It’s not technically a baby till it’s born
- You deserve to be happy
- It’s no big deal people do it all the time
- It’s legal, so that must make it okay.
- This pregnancy could have complications and kill you
- No one needs to know about it, just lie and say it was a miscarriage.
With a weak faith, these lies won instantly.
Time out, let me drive that point home…
The story doesn’t end here (praise Jesus, or else I wouldn’t be writing this), but I want to pause for a second and drive this point home: In the presence of a weak faith without a solid foundation, lies win instantly and easily.
In the presence of a weak faith without a solid foundation, lies win instantly and easily.
Moms and Dads we can’t choose salvation for our kids. The day will come when they are face to face with their Creator and they have to answer for themselves… we won’t be there to answer for them.
So what can we do as parents when we feel helpless in this DARK world?
Don’t fall victim to believing that pouring TRUTH into our children is futile. Isaiah 55:11 tells us that God’s word does not return void. Take action. Work diligently to teach our children TRUTH. Pray fervently as if it’s to save the very life of your child. The world is screaming lies to our kids all day long and with the greater access to media the world’s message is easily drowning out the 60 minutes of TRUTH they get on Sundays.
As parents (and I am preaching to myself too), we must get off the sidelines and be intentional in our homes. We must get on the court and play the game with all our might, fight the fight. We must come alongside our children and raise them up in TRUTH and LOVE. When they have that solid foundation built on the ROCK they won’t crumble when the storms of life blow through (see Matthew 7:24-27).
They won’t be perfect, but our goal is not raising perfect people. Our goal should be to raise children who become adults that are firm and unwavering in their faith and make decisions based on TRUTH… not lies.
The rest of my story…
From the time I was 19 until the time I was 23, I ignored my choice of abortion. I put it to the back of my mind and didn’t think about it. I made myself numb to it because I hated the thought of it.
At 23 I gave birth to my daughter. It wasn’t until I held her in my arms that the gravity of my choices came crashing in. To even dream of taking the life of a sweet baby like the one I was holding, crushed me.
I wish I could say that I gave my life to Jesus in that very moment, but the truth is it took time.
It took time for me to come to terms with my past and seek forgiveness from Jesus.
After that, it took time to accept the forgiveness. Though I repented, I struggled to believe that God could forgive and forget such a thing.
Over time, however, I have been able to accept Psalm 103:12 as truth:
“He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.”
God has also shown me through His Word that the child whose life I took, is now with Him. There will be a day when I get to meet that child face to face. I can’t wait to embrace that sweet child!
Words to the Woman who chose Abortion…
You are not defined by the decisions of your past. If you have not already, you can make a decision RIGHT NOW to ask Jesus into your heart. You can ask for forgiveness and KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that God will indeed forgive you and redeem you. Your story can be a light to others in your same shoes.
Jesus died on the cross to pay the debt for our sins that we CAN. NOT. PAY. And if you were the only one on earth, He would have done it JUST. FOR. YOU. You are loved beyond your comprehension and there is a loving God who wants to redeem you right now in this very moment.
If this describes you and you are ready to accept Christ’s forgiveness… email me. I want to pray with you and encourage you!
Do you have a testimony to share that might encourage others?
I have said it a million times, “If I could go back I would change ______ (about a million things)!” But we can’t go back. What we can do is share our story and how Christ has worked in our life in order to encourage others.
Darkness is a lonely place. Keeping your testimony hidden gives you the feeling that you are alone in the walk you have walked. It is when it is brought to light that others can be refreshed by it and YOU can be freed.
How has Jesus worked in your life or how is he working in it right now? I encourage you to share it. This world NEEDS to hear your story of redemption. In a world that is celebrating evil and lies, let’s drown their celebrations out with stories of redemption!
Need help writing your testimony? This is
xoxo Allison
Special thanks to J L D for praying for me and encouraging me to share my story.
Please help me share my story so it can be an encouragement to others.
Allison,
Tears pushed at my eyes while I read this because my heart was aching along with yours. But I also can celebrate Christ’s work in your life because I know you today and the incredible woman of faith you have become! It’s never easy to share our vulnerable regrets, but by doing so, you cancel their ability to define you, and you also offer inspiration and encouragement to others who are carrying the same burden. Thank you for being authentically, humbly, beautifully YOU. God is surely using you!
Thank you for the beautiful, kind words! God is so very good. I am so thankful for all of the amazing women, including you, that he has placed in my life!
Allison,
You’re simply amazing and this, although took a lot of courage is positively helping others. They may not share the same exact story or they may, but it’s your strentgth, humbleness and ability to be transparent that will Inspire others.
Keep being what God has made you to be; YOU.
Paula
Wow Paula, thank you so much! That is so very encouraging!
What a beautiful testimony that will help many people. I think you’ve grasped the concept of what true belief and repentance is and you’ve learned how to share your story as a testimony. Blessings on your continued journey and on your testimony!
Thank you Jodie <3
It’s cathartic to tell your story and very brave of you to do so. Truth is, we are all imperfect. The important thing is that we try not to make the same mistakes that cause us grief.