…well at least not before you do this!
If you were to make a resolution in 2020 to prioritize self-care, what would you start with? What comes to your mind when you think of self-care?
I think for many moms, the first thought when we hear self-care is exercise.
While that is indeed a big part of self-care, that is neither where it should begin or end.
Self-care is so much more than just exercising and eating right.
When a mom starts to consider “making self-care a priority” and the first thing she tries to tackle is consistent exercise, it can be difficult and discouraging because often times we get busy or other seemingly more important things come up and what is the first thing to go? You guessed it that 30-minute workout you promised yourself you would do…
I’ve been there. Trust me, I get it.
When my kids were really small, I almost never made time to exercise or eat right. As a matter of fact, I rarely ate good food at all. Most of my meals consisted of a handful of pretzels in between nap time, runny noses, diaper changes, picking up toys and washing marker off the toddler’s face.
One day when my kids were toddlers, I remember chasing them up the stairs and not able to catch my breath. My heart was pounding through my shirt after that short burst of athleticism (12 stairs to be exact). It had been happening regularly, but this time was worse and I literally thought I was having a heart attack.
I remember calling my husband in a panic and telling him he needed to come home and take me to the doctor immediately because something was really wrong.
When we got to the doctor’s office, the doctor clearly saw that I was not having a heart attack, but hooked me up to all that EKG stuff just to take a look. Things came back fine, but after assessing the situation the doctor concluded that I was too busy taking care of everyone else’s needs that I was neglecting to take care of my own.
He prescribed me a big old bottle of nothin’ and told me to get back to the basics of taking care of myself so that I could be ready and able to take care of the babies.
His advice reminded me a lot of the whole spiel they give you when you are getting ready to take off on a flight. You know the spiel I am talking about… in case of an emergency attach your oxygen mask to your face before assisting others (even your own children).
As women, it is so hard to fathom helping ourselves before helping others (especially in the case of the airplane). We are wired to love and serve and take care of our children and others. And that is a good thing! God chose women to bear children so it is good that we are wired to love hard, care a ton and put others’ needs before our own.
However, I want you to ask yourself this and be honest with your answer: Are you really glorifying God by sacrificing your health and sanity so you can be the doer of all other things?
Somewhere along the line, however, we bought into a lie. The lie is that it is somehow selfish to take care of yourself. After all, that “time” that you are using to take care of yourself you could be spending “loving” and “caring” for your kids, spouse or other people, right?
No, wrong.
Listen, I was the mom who didn’t take care of herself and poured everything she had into her children leaving the very few crabby leftovers for her husband at the end of the day. I know the number of meltdowns (mommy meltdowns that is) that take place in the life of a woman who gives and gives, without taking time to fill her cup.
I was that woman.
I spent years tired, frustrated, putting on a happy face for the people who I kind of knew, leaving a crabby face to the ones who I loved most. It’s not that I wasn’t angry the whole time, but I did have far more bad moments than happy moments. I had far more temper flares when the kids pushed my buttons than calm reactions. I had far more tears than laughter in those years.
I had bought into the lie that pouring out all I had caring for others, without ever filling myself up was true sacrificial love.
Giving away all you have and never refilling that deficit is NOT loving your family, friends, and community.
Prioritizing self-care is important so that we are ready and able and energized to love those around us.
It does not glorify God to neglect to care for the souls, bodies, and minds that he has given us. In doing so, we only frustrate ourselves and those around us and we are not fulfilling the will that God has for our lives.
So have I convinced you that self-care is important yet? Good!
Now, where do you start when it comes to self-care?
Don’t make the same mistake I made years ago and start with exercise & healthy eating. There is ONE self-care habit that is more important than any other that MUST be established before tackling any other self-care habit. I will get to that “ONE” habit in just a moment…
Before I do, let’s answer your burning question: what’s so wrong with starting with healthy eating and fitness?
You see all those years ago, that is where I started and as you can probably relate, I fell off track. I did a couple of workouts the first week, maybe one the second week and by the third week, I was done. I was more frustrated than when I began and I didn’t have the spiritual or mental strength to overcome my excuses or remember why it was important in the first place.
And that brings me to where you should start when making self-care a priority…
Start Here: Establish a Personal Quiet Time
What is Personal Quiet Time? That is simply the habit of prayer and reading your Bible.
Why start here? Because by immersing ourselves in God’s word day in and day out AND communicating to him through prayer, we are arming ourselves with absolute Truth which will develop unshakable character over time. This unshakable character will benefit every area of our lives (including motherhood, marriage, self-care, serving, dealing with conflict, forgiveness, finances, housework…. literally everything). It will give you the spiritual, mental and emotional strength to overcome your excuses, stand firm in what is right and excel in the good things that God has planned for you.
In addition to that, God’s word tells us to start here. 1 Timothy 4:8 reminds us that “For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.”
Okay, so what that is saying is that YES exercise is important, but not more important than godliness (aka a careful observance of the laws of God proceeding from love and reverence for the Divine character and commands; Christian obedience). Godliness benefits you in ALL THINGS.
So how do we achieve godliness? By being in His Word and in prayer every day!
Remember that “the word of God is living and active” (Heb 4:12).
I realized what this truly meant when I was reading a passage that I had read many times in my life. One day I re-read it and it applied to me in an entirely new way.
Why? Because His Word is alive. I have read through the Bible multiple times and each time no matter what I read applies to what I am facing at that moment in life. Why? Because the words are God’s words (see 2 Timothy 3:16-17 below) and God is a living God.
As we draw nearer to God through His Word, we allow the Holy Spirit to convict us and when we apply it to our lives, we are shaped and molded into a closer version of who God has called us to be.
“All scripture is God-breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17
God’s word equips us for every. good. work.
Everything.
I want to share this last verse with you to encourage to start in your daily personal quiet time when it comes to self-care. Because the Bible is FULL of encouragement and reminders such as this….
“Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
Romans 5:1-5
Go back and read that again. Be encouraged in that truth.
This is so much more important than exercise. I can’t stress that enough.
When should you move on to tackling other self-care tasks (like exercise)?
After establishing a habit of personal quiet time, then move on to the next habit you would like to establish, be it exercise or reading or whatever self-care task you want to focus on next. But start in developing the habit of being in God’s Word first.
I’ve tried it the other way and have seen countless women try it the other way. Guess what? Even if she does grasp the habit of exercise, her heart is still lost and troubled. I have seen it again and again. Our joy comes from the Lord, not a healthy body. We might think that losing 10 lbs will bring us joy. It might make us happy for the moment, but until we fill the Jesus shaped hole in our hearts with Jesus, we will continually reach for that next shiny thing.
Trust me.
Do it in this order! You will grow in ways you never knew possible when you begin here. God’s will (which you will discover…) may not be exactly what you had in mind, but it is ALWAYS in your best interest. Always.
Not to mention, starting with the habit of reading God’s Word and prayer is a fun one to establish because for me it involves a hot cup of coffee and a cozy blanket in the morning hours before the house awakes. Sign me up!
Personal Quiet Time has become my absolute favorite part of my day and I think it will for you too!
Remember, like anything that is good for us, you will NOT always want to do it. But discipline yourself to do it anyway. Eventually, it will become a habit like brushing your teeth. Stick to it sister! You won’t regret it.
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